The first and most critical step in a child custody dispute with your ex is to understand why you are fighting for custody in the first place. Many people want or need to win their child custody fights, but they are unsure what they are fighting for.
If this sounds like you, you should take a step back and reconsider why you’re fighting for custody in the first place.
Everyone’s scenario is unique, so there will be several reasons why you would do this, but one of the most important is that you genuinely care about your child’s well-being and have their best interests at heart.
You should work closely with your child support lawyers and fight the battle fairly. This requires you to implement several best practices. These practices include:
Don’t like that the other parent is a danger to the child
You can report your ex if they are aggressive to you or the child, drink excessively, or suffer from an untreated mental disease. That’s critical information in your custody case.
However, never lie about these issues. Dirty techniques for obtaining child custody are unethical and unhealthy for you, the other parent, or your child. If the judge discovers that you made false charges about major issues, they will not be happy.
If you or your child are actually in danger, you can obtain an order of protection. A court may order a drug test or a psychological evaluation. For your child’s safety, the other parent may be limited to supervised visits.
Later, if appropriate, you can use a step-up plan to frame how the parent gradually increases their involvement. Set the necessary boundaries.
A judge may require a professional custody evaluation to gain a better understanding of your child’s situation. You can alternatively employ a private evaluator and use their conclusions to reach an out-of-court settlement or trial. An evaluation is one opportunity for the truth to be revealed.
Don’t use profanity or insults.
Profanity, particularly “serious” obscenities, is often indicative of an anger problem and constitutes poor co-parenting on numerous levels. When aimed at the other parent, it may constitute emotional abuse. When directed against children, it is most definitely child abuse. When said to children about the other parent, it is considered “parental alienation.”
Profanity rarely helps custody cases, and domestic relations judges will not accept the “it’s just the way I talk” explanation.
Every email or text message you send has the potential to be used as evidence in court. Every conversation you have with your ex could potentially be recorded. Being nice nine times out of ten will not shield you from that tenth email in which you go on a tirade against the other parent; that is the email that will be used in court.
To be on the safe side, no matter how well the other parent can push your buttons, you must avoid the need to respond negatively as it might hurt your child custody case battle.
Don’t create a false paper trail.
When you have a court case, you will gather evidence to support your side. Unfortunately, some parents manufacture papers solely to use dirty techniques to obtain child custody. Do not be that person. Things not to do:
- Don’t write to the other parent at an email address you know they never check or contact them on a landline when you know they’ve just left the house or work to make it appear as if they ignored your message.
- Don’t falsify the other parent’s signatures on documents, including permission forms at the pediatrician’s office, to make it appear as if they made decisions without your participation or agreed with yours.
- Don’t brag on social media about finding a tutor who helped your child achieve in class when the other parent found the tutor.
- If your child injures themselves while playing in your yard, do not create a bogus calendar entry claiming your child was with the other parent that day.
When your ex portrays you unfairly, stay on your toes.
Negotiate in good faith.
Judges frequently order parents to undertake mediation, and some jurisdictions require almost all parents to attend. Many parents prefer to attend even before filing a court case, as it is a typical approach to achieve an agreement and avoid trial.
Mediation is more likely to succeed when both parents act in good faith and cooperate. Parents’ success in mediation can be attributed to their willingness to listen and compromise.
From another perspective, if you aren’t sincerely willing to compromise, why bother attending to mediation? You and your ex are wasting time and money, and your child is suffering as a result of the delay.
Don’t try to get through mediation by smiling and nodding if you secretly want to ignore everything your ex and the mediator say. If you merely pretend to be interested in compromise and then dig in on your agenda, you miss out on a valuable opportunity to bargain.
This could backfire, as the next time you negotiate, you may be offered a less advantageous offer.
To be on the safe side, bring a written plan to demonstrate your commitment to the mediation process.
Don’t coach your child to hate the other parent.
If the other parent is careless or thoughtless with your child, talk to them about it, either directly or through family lawyers Fairfax VA. If they are narcissistic, recognize when they are being selfish and attempting to take advantage of you. If they do not change their behavior, bring it up in court.
However, do not point out the other parent’s flaws to your child. Your child can’t do anything but feel horrible about themselves and their family. As a parent, you should not attempt to turn your child against the other parent. This phenomenon is known as parental estrangement, and it’s not healthy for anyone.
It is in your child’s best interests to maintain a relationship with both parents. Encourage the child to make visits and phone calls, allow them to keep the gifts they receive, and celebrate with them when they truly value these times and appreciate their family.
