When you are going through a divorce, you face a wide range of emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, and even shame, particularly over highly sensitive or personal information about your marriage or separation.
Due to this, many people tend to withhold specific facts from their attorneys due to difficult emotions or a desire to keep information private that they do not want to discuss with their spouse.
You should know that keeping secrets from your divorce lawyers is never a good idea, as their purpose is to be both your advocate and confidant during this difficult time.
Rest assured that any statements you make (unless you intend to commit a crime or lie under oath) are protected by the attorney-client privilege, so take a deep breath and share.
To help you out, here are a few sensitive issues you should definitely tell your attorney:
You are having an affair
You may not want your spouse to know if you have been involved with someone else, but marital adultery should be disclosed to your attorney. Even if you don’t want your spouse to know about the relationship, it may come out during the divorce proceedings.
Most cases include a period of discovery during which information must be exchanged and provided to the opposing party. Some attorneys will use private investigators or other techniques to obtain information, particularly if there is suspicion of an affair.
Having your attorney discover this as a surprise puts them at a significant disadvantage.
Furthermore, if you have been using marital funds to sustain your affair, your spouse may file a counterclaim against you based on adultery, and you may be required to return that money to the marital pot. You don’t want this, do you?
You are experiencing domestic abuse in your relationship
Living in an abusive or violent relationship is fearful, sad, and demoralizing. Many battered spouses never notify their closest loved ones because they are ashamed or fear retaliation from their abuser.
While this is the case, you should absolutely tell your divorce attorney if you are in an abusive relationship so that they can properly counsel you and safeguard your safety every step of the way, including, if necessary, how to obtain a restraining order.
Your attorney may suggest an alternative way of serving your spouse with divorce papers, especially if you are still living together. Your attorney will identify local services such as counselors, shelters, and other groups that can offer you various forms of help.
Furthermore, if you have been abused, you may be eligible to sue your partner throughout the divorce for pain, suffering, and medical bills.
You have hidden assets or debts.
Any divorce attorney will urge you not to hide money, property, or debts. It will undoubtedly come to light during the discovery process. Attorneys and courts can utilize a variety of tactics to get hidden information, including depositions, financial investigations with specialists, and subpoenas.
Again, do not place your attorney in a position to be caught off guard when an inquiry discovers offshore bank accounts or a lot of money in gambling debts undisclosed to your partner.
Lying about or concealing property or debt can only destroy your credibility in the eyes of the court, potentially irreparably.
If you are knowingly concealing assets or debts and your spouse is forced to pay for legal fees or other experts to uncover your deception, you may face fines, be held liable for your spouse’s fees and costs, and face perjury penalties if you lie on the record.
In the end, hiding money or bills from your spouse may cost you more than you anticipated. And you don’t want this, do you?
You have contracted a sexually transmitted disease
This might be an awkward talk to have with your divorce lawyer, but no matter how difficult it is, if you fear your spouse gave you an STD, you should tell your divorce lawyer.
As with domestic abuse, if you can prove that your spouse gave you the disease, you may be able to recover money as part of your divorce settlement for pain, medical expenditures, emotional distress, or other expenses incurred as a result of contracting the STD from your partner.
Conversely, if you suspect you may have given your spouse an STD as a result of an affair, you must inform your attorney so that they can encourage your spouse to be tested.
Not disclosing this information so that your spouse can go to the doctor for testing is a terrible way to handle this problem.
DYFS was involved
Even if it was years ago, if DYFS (now DCP&P) was involved in your family’s investigation or assistance due to probable child abuse or neglect, notify your attorney. Many times, DCP&P becomes engaged, provides services to the family, and then the case is closed.
Sometimes an investigation results in nothing being discovered, and the case is closed. Regardless of the situation, notify your attorney of any DCP&P link to your family.
This is not something you want to come as a surprise to your lawyer or the judge, and you certainly do not want the court to think you are attempting to hide it.
Be truthful about the inquiry and the findings, even if the complaint was made a long time ago and was unfounded. If the involvement was longer-term or the DCP&P made a more serious finding, the court may request a referral from them if custody or parenting time is an issue in your divorce.
Parting shot
When you are going through a divorce, your mission should be to be as open and honest with your family lawyers Fairfax VA as possible. As much as it might feel awkward to diverge some of the information, remember that all the information you give out is meant to protect you and ensure that your divorce process doesn’t have any surprises.
Remember to inform your attorney if you are experiencing emotional distress as a result of your divorce. The attorney will recommend a therapist who will help you express all of your unpleasant feelings in a safe and secure environment.
